Week Twenty Nine: Ash's Version

For my contribution this week I will be conducting a hard hitting interview with mother to be, Kelly Parmenter.

AP – Kelly, what has your contribution been to the construction of your baby’s nursery so far?

KP – Ummmm…..this afternoon I vacuumed.

AP – Do you feel that it is inappropriate for a mother to show such disinterest in an environment which is so crucial in the development of their child?

KP – (screeching) I helped pick the furniture and I’m having the border and mobile flown in from the UK - that’s a huge interest.

AP – In regards to the border, do you feel that it is appropriate to outsource the purchase of this item to overseas providers?

KP – Ummmm, it’s like bringing home a piece of the baby’s heritage so I do feel it is appropriate.

AP – As you were born in Australia, I don’t understand how a border from overseas is part of the baby’s heritage. How long have you harboured these anti-Australian sentiments?

KP – (screeching) How can I be the anti-Australian one when I’m the one getting excited about our obstetrician delivering the baby of the Australian cricket captain.

AP – It’s always about image for you isn’t it. Getting back to the nursery, how did the construction of the furniture go?

KP – Rather well, I was impressed with how easily everything came together.

AP – I put it to you, that you were not even present when the furniture was constructed. In fact, my sources have told me that you were off gallivanting at a coffee shop in Mosman with friends whilst your long suffering husband was left to put all the furniture together.

KP – (whiny) I contest that my, and I want this in inverted commas, my long suffering husband was left to put all the furniture together. Truth be told, Ash’s parents were quite clearly involved in the process and in fact were likely to have done the majority of the work while Ash stood around and farted.

AP – Outsourcing your responsibilities again? In that case, do you feel it is appropriate to put such a workload on two elderly pensioners in this way?

KP – (angrily) I hope Ash’s parents are reading this, as I would hardly describe them as elderly pensioners. Ash’s dad does more work in a day than Ash does in a year.

AP – If you are going to be so aggressive, consider this interview over.

KP – (sulkily) Good.