Week Four: Monday 4th February 2008

It’s seems like a lifetime ago, however it has only been a week since I found out I was pregnant! It was last Wednesday, the 30th of January, when I received that amazing phone call from Georgina at St George IVF to tell me I had a positive result. My first reaction was to burst into tears, which of course made it a lot harder to talk, but as I has been preparing myself for a “no” verdict for at least a good 48 hours before the event, actually getting a “yes” was a little tough to take. And not that I would take back a minute of IVF (after all, look how lucky I was), but it was disappointing to have to tell Ash over the phone, rather than finding out together…

Finding a space to ring him where no one would hear at work, was a challenge, but when I did get him on the phone, I simply asked, “So, are you ready to be a father?” In his usual, laid back manner, Ash’s response was “Really?” He too had been prepared for a “no”, so the “yes” was quite a shock...

I guess the most disappointing thing is, that we have this amazing news, but as there is chance things won’t work out, we can’t tell anyone for another 8 weeks (well that might as well be a lifetime!) We told our immediate family of course, but the feeling wasn’t as exciting as I thought it would be. I mean, I thought that once the positive result came through, I would be giddy, rushing around overjoyed and smiling non-stop. But instead I find myself in constant worry about any pain I am having, or not having. It was just be nice if nature had some way of letting you know that everything was ok and to just relax.

Having caught up with friends a lot over the last week (both of whom were well and truly pregnant), I was dying to let them know that I too had joined the club. But as Ash constantly reminds me, it would be so much harder to turn around and tell everyone, there was no longer a baby there. I have told one friend, Judy as she had been on the whole IVF journey with me, and she has been great, giving me advice like staying away from bleach when cleaning! But in all honestly, speaking about the baby with her, or Tim and Kym, or Mum, makes me really nervous, almost like I am temping fate.

This week, I have decided to rest the body from Peter’s Boxing Class and walk with Ash instead. I am hoping this will help make life in there a little easier for “Elwood” and that way he/she will want to stay put. Ash came up with the name Elwood for our little embryo - now it's kind of stuck.

Week four ends tomorrow, and from there, it is only a week until our first scan. At six weeks there isn’t really going to be anything to see, but it will be comforting to know Elwood is hanging in there and in the right place. God knows I won’t be sleeping the night before that one, and I’m sure everything will be crossed as we wait in the waiting room. For now, it’s just a matter of praying – saying one section of the rosary a night, and trying to stay positive. There is definitely a part of me that wonders off for a while and dreams about getting big and fat, and preparing for the biggest day of my life!